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Crashing, glitching bores

Published: Tuesday, Oct. 29, 2013 5:30 a.m. CST

One thing you can say about Republicans. They are focused. Like lasers. Or a puppy with a chew toy. Obamacare? No, sir. They don’t like it. They don’t like it so much, they have become interested in the Internet. They no longer refer to it as the interweb, riddled with tubes and tunnels and chutes and ladders.

As we speak, hearings are being held. And held and held and held. Because the initial website to Obamacare was buggier than the insect house at the London Zoo, and someone has to eat their way to the bottom of the responsibility barrel. So now we’re witness to an interminable tug of war between GOP and Democratic members of various committees.

The sight of these grandfatherly types who couldn’t tell a glitch from a Sneetch pretending to speak conversantly about something they have the same familiarity with as a calico cat does with calculus makes keeping a straight face difficult. Especially considering their extreme remonstrations of concern, which sound similar to cobras worrying that the mouse door is often unlocked.

Thing is, they’re perfectly right. The rollout went less smooth than a 40-foot square steel doughnut rumbling down a pressed tin bridge. Democrats agree the website technology for Obamacare is so outdated it looks like Health and Human Services rescued it from Compuserve’s trash using a dial-up modem.

The ultimate techie nightmare. A health care portal with all the compassion and efficiency of the DMV.

Ted Cruz managed to get into the act, joking that the Nigerian email scammers have been quiet lately because they were hired to run the Obamacare website. This created the double whammy of ticking off Nigerians and giving the administration very bad ideas.

But by focusing their attention on the website, the GOP seems to be signaling they’ve accepted Obamacare, at least in theory. After trying to repeal it 50 times then shutting down the government in an attempt to defund it, they are finally, reluctantly, on board. And just want to straighten things out by letting the American people know this is the worst legislation in the history of ever.

• Will Durst is a political comedian.

who has performed around the world.

In other words, they’ve graduated to complaining about the choice of the font on the menu and not the ingredients of the feast. Or whether anybody gets to eat. Although that $24 cheeseburger known as the Silver plan is surely going to draw attention down the line. And oh, by the way - fries are extra. Way extra.

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